honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
