2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
