If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
