took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
