My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
