no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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