Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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