I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
