At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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