what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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