I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
