Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
