I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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