Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is my gift to your gina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
