Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
