omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
