Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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