I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
