Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Welp...herpes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
