I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
