And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
