dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
