The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
