ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm both gender and math confused
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
