Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
