I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
