i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
