i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
