i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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