My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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