dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i drank out of a bidet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize