I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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