His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
