from now on my penis is your penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
