Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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