Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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