were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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