P.S. I can't hear my feet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
