i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
