office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
