so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just used a chaser for red wine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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