Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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