Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
