So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
