make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
