what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
