The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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