i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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