Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
