Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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