Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
