11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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